I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My pussy is not your playground.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
