she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
