I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
