Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
