i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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