He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
