so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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