yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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