elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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