Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
