I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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