Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
