Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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