I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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