I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
