It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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