there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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