guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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