the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
