Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize