I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
