I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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