i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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