You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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