My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
