i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize