I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
