Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
