my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think I am morally bankrupt
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
