I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize