that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
