The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
