I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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