you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
