Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
