dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
