would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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