Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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