Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
