i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
