I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
last night I used snow as a chaser
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
