Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
