im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
