so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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