i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
