What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
