Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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