Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
