i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
