Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
