it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
