Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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