i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
