I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
