I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
