Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
