Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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