You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize