He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
