Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
