Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
