remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
