so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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