omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
