is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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