of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
