Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
