He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
