someone owes me an orgasm
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
