4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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