Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
