i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
