so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
