I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
