Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
