I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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