She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
